Tell Me What You Want Me to Say
by AmIStillFeeling
Summary: The friendship between Raven and Beast Boy has been strained for some time, and Raven's assumption of the cause turned out to be wrong. In danger of losing her best friend, she has some surprising realizations, and learns that a true bond is not so easily broken.


The rain outside wasn't letting up. Neither was Raven.

"This is childish even for you, _Beast Boy_ ," She hissed from the other side of the door. "You know I can feel your emotions. You're like a _floodlight_ right now. I _know_ you're angry and you're sad. But I can't help if you won't _talk to me._ "

There was a pause as Beast Boy simply listened to the rain, staring at the nothing outside of his window. "I don't remember asking for your help, Rae."

"It's Raven."

"...Yeah, I know. Sorry. Won't call you that anymore, Raven."

She didn't answer him right away, and he hoped that she might have left. He heaved a sigh when he heard and smelled her phasing through the door, intruding on his room. Evidently she wasn't giving up this time.

"Gar-"

"Beast Boy." He corrected. "If I'm not calling you Rae, then you can't call me Gar."

"...Fair enough." It hurt just a little bit, she supposed. "I... I might have been a bit too harsh, Beast Boy. You can call me Rae if you like."

That, Beast Boy thought, was perhaps the biggest concession Raven had ever given him. A shame it had to come at this time. Too late. "I don't think that will be appropriate, Raven."

Now she was especially confused. "Appropriate?" She parroted, "What does propriety have to do with... whatever this is?"

"...I just don't think your boyfriend will approve of me having a pet-name for you, that's all."

She sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Is that what this is about? Ugh, Beast Boy, do you have to make everything so complicated...? First of all, we've only had one date so far. Cliché as it is, we're not exactly 'official' yet. Secondly, there's nothing wrong with one of my teammates having a nickname for me, in concept at least. There's no accounting for your poor taste in nicknames..."

Her attempt at a joke fell with a near-audible thunk, and the awkward silence made her cringe. "A-anyway... I..." This was harder than she thought. She had just figured she'd come in here and find out a that a plot of his backfired, or Cyborg sabotaged his vegan foodstuffs, or some other minor irritation that plagued his earlier years in the Titans, and that was the cause of the cloud of anger and depression that followed him from room to room the past three days. Seems she had forgotten he'd grown up quite a bit.

"I... I like it when you call me Rae." He looked up at that. Maybe she could get this issue settled after all. "What's the real reason you don't want to call me that anymore?"

He slumped again and returned his attention to the window. "I don't want to talk about that."

Of course he wasn't going to open up so easy. She was just going to have to prod and prod until he did. He always did. "I think it will make you feel better."

"Are you pretending to be my Therapist now?"

"For all intents and purposes, I have always been your Therapist, Garfield."

" _Beast. Boy._ "

Her headache was getting worse. She was pretty sure she knew what the issue was, and it was probably going to hurt them both, but that band-aid had to be ripped off sometime. "Beast Boy... I know what Terra did to you still hurts, and I'm very sorry that seeing me dating is is reminding you of her. But it won't hurt forever."

He sat up straight again and she felt some small relief, quickly dashed as she felt his emotions whirl around her in a bewildered fury. She had not hit the nail on the head- rather, it seemed she had struck his thumb with the hammer. "Terra?" he choked out a bitter laugh. "I haven't cared about or thought about Terra in months, if not years... I was fourteen back then, Raven. You honestly think this is about _her?_ "

This was bad. She was in uncharted territory now and had no idea of what to do out here. "Wh... what... who else?"

" _You,_ Raven."

Correction, this was the worst case scenario. She hadn't even considered this, the idea that her best friend and teammate, who had been there to see plenty of the worst of her, could be carrying a torch. "I'm... I'm s-"

" _Don't."_ He stopped her, bringing his arm up between them as if to prevent her from approaching to comfort him. "Please, don't say you're sorry. You didn't do anything wrong."

They sat in silence for a while longer as Raven practically bathed in oceans of sorrow, pain and regret coming off of him. So much pain. Anything that came to her mind as something to say to him, she was certain would not help. She could touch him, absorb his pain into her and allow it to wash over and out of her, but that would only be a temporary solution. It wouldn't fix the issue... if it could be fixed. Why hadn't she noticed this before? She should have sensed something in his emotions that was different from Robin and Cyborg's sibling-like bond with her. If she had known before she met Luke, then maybe...

"Stop." He said suddenly. "You're blaming yourself, I can tell. I know you... But it's not your fault, it's mine." He looked away from her. It just hurt too much. "I shouldn't have let it get this far. I knew from the start that you'd never go for someone like... like me. Too dumb. Too uncultured. Too... Well, I'm not exactly Mr. Right." He looked back then, with a sad smile like a young man accepting his fate.

"That's _not true,_ Ga... Beast Boy. That's not true. You're..." dammit, she was not good at this part. "You're a... a wonderful young man," _That was an odd thing to say,_ she thought. _I sound like his mom._ _I need to remind him of his qualities._ "You're a hero. You have a strong sense of justice-"

"And I'm green, my ears are pointed, and I have fangs... right?"

That was a low blow. The only person she knew of that had used that exact phrase before was herself.

"...I'm sorry." He said. "That was uncalled for... I think you had better go."

"Wait..." She nearly pleaded. She wanted this set right. Needed it. "...If... If this relationship with... with Luke doesn't work out-"

"No!" He shouted, startling her rather badly. The room filled with rage so hot it actually made her sweat. "No. I _do not_ want pity. Not from anyone. Especially not from you. Do not say that to me."

"What do you want me to say!?" She shouted back at him, his rage seeping into her and coloring her words and actions. "Tell me what you want me to say! Tell me and I promise I'll say it!"

Thunder cracked and Beast Boy was too stunned to answer her. He stared, and then settled against the wall and glared at the rain painting the window. "I want... I want you to say you'll go out and have a good time with Luke tomorrow. You're a good person, Raven... And I love you more than I love myself, even if you don't love me in the same way." He sobbed, and a mix of love and sorrow filled the room like smoke from a fire. "I don't want anything other than for you to be happy, with... with whoever makes you happy."

For several minutes she stood in his room, unsure if it would hurt him more if she moved to comfort him with contact. "Say it..." he wheezed, "Say it and then... leave me alone."

"I'll go out with Luke tomorrow... and I'll be happy, if I can, Beast Boy." And she turned to go.

On her way out, she passed his desk and the papers there caught her eye. Normally the desk was covered in various detritus, but now there was only a neat stack of papers. She stopped to glance at them, and they completely wiped thoughts of leaving him alone from her mind. "B-Beast Boy, you can't be serious. Please tell me you're holding these for someone else."

"I said go."

"Beast Boy... Beast Boy, _please._ " She stared at the papers for transferral to a different Titans branch in disbelief. There was no way that Beast Boy, _her_ Beast Boy, was leaving them. Leaving her.

"You weren't supposed to know about it yet, Raven. That's what happens when you come in someone's room uninvited."

She didn't even think about pointing out the hypocrisy. "I _want_ to know about this, Beast Boy, so I can _stop_ it. There's no way I'll let you leave me. I can't let you do this to me."

"I'm not doing anything _to you_ , Raven. It's for me." He stood up and grabbed the papers from her limp hand and stashed them in a drawer, which he locked. "I can't protect the city like this. I can't live here like this either. If I'm going to stay here in the future... I need to go get over this, and the best way is by... by not seeing you for a while. Argent's setting up a Tower in Brisbane, Australia, to protect Oceania. And... she wants me to lead. Dad called too, he wants me to get some practice in as a leader, like him. Dick thinks I've got potential. It's good and far, I'll be with friends, and I haven't spent much time in Australia before. I'll be leaving next week."

Raven, stunned, opened her mouth several times before she managed to speak. "Gar... Gar..."

He sighed and she felt his pain spike again. "I don't want to be gone forever. But I need to be over you if I'm gonna live here ever again. Otherwise I won't be able to take it. I _need_ to do this. And besides, I don't... I don't want to get in your way. I really, really don't. You don't need a dumb kid poking around and messing things up for you." She sensed no resentment or sarcasm in his statement. He said what he really believed.

"Gar, if you stay, I'll..." He didn't stop her this time, but she found she didn't have anything to say.

"I don't want anything, Rae- Raven. I just want you to be happy, and for the pain to stop." He gently, almost ghostingly, took her by the shoulders and slowly pushed her out of the room. "Goodnight, Raven. I promise I'll be okay. Just go on your date tomorrow." And the door shut.

Raven turned around and walked right past her door, took the elevator down, and didn't stop walking until she reached the saferoom. She sent a message to Victor, telling him to let her out in an hour, and sat down to cry.

* * *

In the morning, Beast Boy formally announced his transfer to the new Titans Oceania team, and while no-one reacted quite like Raven, (who vanished as soon as he announced it) they weren't pleased. But they did accept it.

Months passed, and no matter how many times she tried to call him, Beast Boy wouldn't answer her messages. The only info she got about him was from news websites and other Titans, and it was from there that she heard about every injury that laid him up for weeks, every metahuman and promising young Vigilante to whom he bestowed the title of Honorary Titan, and even when he transitioned his name from Beast Boy to Changeling to represent his coming to adulthood.

After the first month, she stopped trying to contact him and tried to move forward. Her relationship with Luke sadly did not last- he was a good man, who took interest in her interests and she in his, but she knew he was not going to be the person that made her happy when he began dropping hints that she should retire from super-heroism. Ostensibly it was for her own sake, but she could easily divine that it was truly so he would no longer have to worry when she was injured. She did not blame him for his feelings, but she could not compromise on her career, and more importantly, her family. When she made that clear, the relationship ended.

There were others, but none that lasted very long. That was what dating was like, she supposed. None of them were reprehensible, though a couple were enthusiastic fans. Some of them were thrilling, and some comforting, but no-one she would want to, say, spend the rest of her life with.

Maybe she had already been spending the rest of her life with someone. Everything just felt... less, without her best friend there. Happy was less pink, and Affection more withdrawn. Even Rage's fury was somewhat cooler, and although she wasn't complaining about that part, the tangible loss of passion in her life was... concerning, to the already emotionally-stunted young woman.

Laying in bed after the termination of another failed relationship, a breakup that she honestly could not care less about, she considered her odd relationship with Beast Boy. Or rather, Changeling. She called them, privately, "best friends" in the past. Was that all they ever were?

She rolled over to her side. Yes, she felt that she wouldn't take back that label. Although it was true that she may have romantic feelings toward him, it was a blossoming interest at most and they were still friends, first and foremost.

She had started dating at age eighteen, once she felt emotionally grounded enough to give it a tentative try. It was part of being a human, and she owed it to herself to experience it. Luke had been the first, a young man she met at her favorite cafe, and lasted the longest. The ones after that had all been failures for one reason or another, and she found herself unwilling to pursue anyone else now. What was the point when it was just going to fail again?

It was, perhaps, inevitable that her thoughts would eventually come back around to Garfield. If there was any one thing that the time spent without him had taught her, it was that he belonged in her life, and she hoped that she belonged in his. As friends or as lovers? One of those two, for sure.

If she decided she wanted the latter, would he take her? It would be kind of, as he would put it, "a dick move" to let him go on a journey of self-discovery to get over his romantic feelings for her, only to let him know when he came back that she wanted him after all.

Unfortunately for Raven, she didn't get a chance to decide before the letter from Brisbane arrived informing them that Argent had formally taken over leadership of Titans Oceania and that Beast Boy was returning to Titans West. It was, as Starfire put it, "Glorious news!" indeed. One half of Raven wanted to believe that he was all she ever wanted or needed, and she was all of that for him, and to grab onto him and never let go. The other half of her knew that he left their family to get over his feelings for her, and if he was coming back, presumably succeeded. That possibility made her feel hollow, but if it was true, then the last thing they needed was for her to ruin their shot at building a new, sturdier and more equal relationship by destroying all of his progress.

It was making the decision of what to say to him when he made it back near-impossible.

Of course, that didn't mean that she didn't fly out of her window at near full speed when she looked outside early one morning to spot him perched on his rock.

* * *

She landed softly on the grass and stepped, bare-foot, onto the sand. With her mind whirling along, she sat gingerly beside him and said, "Hey."

He took a deep breath. "Hey."

The surf calmly washed up and down the beach.

"I'm afraid Luke didn't last. He couldn't stand the stress of dating a super-hero."

"Sucks to be him, I guess."

She hoped that was a compliment, because it made her heart flutter a bit. "There were some others too, but none of them became serious. Did you...?"

"There were a few girls." He answered. "Most of 'em took one look at my skin and ran screaming, of course. If it wasn't that, it was the ears or fangs. The few that didn't mind _that_ eventually took issue with something else, and... I guess I'm not the best at compromises." A pause. "Nothing special ever happened with any of them."

Peaceful silence reigned as Raven struggled with her next thought. The thoughts and ideas that had plagued her about their complicated relationship and what she wanted out of it were just so big, and she couldn't condense them. But she had to start.

"...I missed you." The voice that came from Raven was small and nervous. What was he going to say? Did he even want to be her friend anymore? Could they be? Did he still love her romantically?

...Did she want him to?

"I missed you too, Raven." He finally turned and gave her a warm, genuine smile.

"...Did it work? Did you..." She didn't want to say it.

"...In a way." He answered, and her heart wasn't sure if it wanted to sink or not. "I still love you. That will never change." He stopped, gathering, discarding, and regathering words. "I don't know if I still love you in that way. I learned a lot while I was away, though. I think I..." He licked his dry lips.

"Tell me, Garfield," She whispered to him, "tell me what you think."

"I think I... I need you, Raven. One way or another I need you. I needed you when I was gone and I need you now."

She gazed directly into his eyes, into his heart and soul. "And I need you, Garfield. I know I need you, one way or another."

Independently of each other, they both considered leaning in for a kiss. Considered and dismissed it. This was not about that. Or at least, they weren't sure yet. Both of them laid down beside each other in the sand, to soak in their fresh, new relationship.

"What are we now, Garfield? Are we just friends?"

"...Dunno. Maybe, maybe not. I think we're closer than that... But I don't know if we're..." He trailed off again. "What do you think?"

She thought hard about that, forcing her emotions to behave so that she could best ascertain her own feelings in this, exact moment. "I think... I think right now, I just want to have you here, Gar." She made no move to kiss him, to embrace him. Instead, she calmly reached over, and held his hand, squeezing gently.

"...Okay. I think I'm good with that," he answered.

That was where the rest of the team found them, later. Starfire and Jinx (who had replaced Beast Boy during his absence, with Kid Flash dropping by often) had each started to ask about the fact that they refused to let go of each other's hands, but Nightwing cleared his throat and gave them (and Cyborg too, for good measure,) a pointed Bat-Glare. The topic was not brought up out loud.

That night, Raven knocked on Beast Boy's door again. This time, he opened it and let her in.

"We should talk. We have a lot to catch up on." She said simply. "But the Tower is crowded. A new Vegan cafe opened while you were gone, and it's very good. Would you... Would you like to come with me there?"

He gave absolutely no thought to asking if it was a date. The only thing he said was "I'd love to."

* * *

This was based on a prompt sent to me by Ava Chanel, who is an amazing writer and if you haven't already read their fics, you should.


End file.
